Bet Your Ass, Strip and Erotic Poker

It may seem strange that while I love poker, and I love-watching people take their clothes off, strip poker has never interested me. That changed when I was looking to purchase some sex toys and saw an item that gave me a new way to look at one of my favorite hobbies. First, the reason strip poker never appealed to me is my only conceptualization of how poker could be used sexually was from TV and movies, and the game I saw there, while perhaps good orgy lubricant, could not work as poker. The game I was seeing, using clothing as the currency, was not any real form of poker and just an excuse to get naked. Yes, I’m aware that is in fact the point however as a poker player it still irked me. While there might have been plenty of nudity and maybe even some poke-her (sorry, it had to be said) in these games there was no actually poker.

Before we continue, we should establish some poker terms I’ll be using:

Tournament style: Players play until eliminated, X number of places win a prize/pay-out

Ring style: Standard walk up to the table and play for chips; you can usually get up and cash-out whenever you want.

Freeze-out: Ring style game, players play until one person has all the chips, only one-person wins (no leaving the table and cashing-out,)

Buy-in: The amount of money you need to put in to play in a game/tournament

Re-buy: Buying more chips mid-game in order to keep playing

Blinds and antes: Forced bets that players must post. In community pot games, this usually takes the form of a small blind (i.e. 1 bet) and a big blind (i.e. 2 bets).

Bankroll: The amount of capital you have to play

On-tilt: Player going emotional and playing irrationally

Split pot: The best high hand and the best low hand split the pot; the idea is to have a hand that can work both ways so you can take the whole pot. My personal favorite game Omaha hi/lo is such a game.

Limit, no limit and pot limit: Limit, betting structure is fixed; No limit, you can bet as much as you want at any time you can go all-in at any time; Pot limit, betting is caped at the current size of the pot.

Nuts: The best possible hand

Now, let us review why the strip poker you see on TV, using clothes as a form of currency, could not work, as poker:

1) How do you ante up, exactly? (More on this below)

2) How do you adjust for the varying number of clothing items between players? What if one person has on only a dress on and the others are wearing multiple layers of clothing. For that matter what counts as clothing? Does a scarf count? A hat? Gloves? Jewelry? Even if you agree to have the same number of clothing on everyone/ make it strip down to a certain level regardless of the number of clothing, there are still problems.

3) If we are using clothing as the currency, there would seem to be too few bets available to allow the influence of good play to manifest itself. With so few bets, the game becomes a crapshoot. For that matter because it is a crapshoot normal considerations like bluffing and reading tells wouldn’t be useful. Also, with so few bets how do you create a meaningful difference between a limit, pot limit and no limit game.  (More on this below)

Note: After thinking of the below time based game I did figure out how to make this work. Have the striping only start only when you on a short stake (X chips left), betting before that no striping. This would also solve many, but not all, of the other problems I have with the mechanics of strip poker. I still like my variant better and again these are the type of rules that would be needed to make the game work as poker, but no one ever seems to have in the media portrayal of it.

4) Notice how no one ever puts their clothing back on during a game of strip poker in the movies. If we are treating it like the game’s currency then someone should really be putting something back on when someone wins a pot.

5) There are many forms of poker that seem incompatible with this form. Which only seems to work for ring style freeze-outs without re-buys. For example, how do you do a split-pot style game like Omaha hi/lo in this setting? (Get out the scissors?) How do you do rebuys? Me and Wikipedia are at odds on this issue

6) The “prize” structure does not make sense, you start fully dressed so you start in the winning position and can only go downhill from there. What do you gain in terms of “currency” by winning a hand? Yes, the other person gets naked but you get that when anyone loses a hand how to you gain a legitimate and exclusive chip lead in this format?

7) How can you build a bankroll in this format?

So on and so fourth…

BW_Strip_Poker_2

A retro pic of cloths as currency strip poker


The one serious conversation I remember having on this only confirmed these suspicions. When I asked I friend who had taken part in such a game about the mechanics of it he responded, “Well you don’t really blind or ante up”. Problem is blinds and antes are an integral part of the game, they are what drive the game. Want an easy way to “win” a strip poker game, just fold every hand, and wait for everyone else to play each other into nekkidity, without blinds or an ante there is no downside to folding every single hand, that isn’t the nuts.

My suspicions that there was no way to make a strip poker game work as poker confirmed I left it at that. There was still a certain lure to the concept, however. Who wouldn’t like to combine two good things together? Not to mentioned I was quite curious how the circumstances would affect people’s tells and strategy, especially if the context is eroticized. It could bring a completely new meaning to the phrase “table image”. Also, it might be entertaining see someone go on full tilt while in their birthday suit. Try to imagine a full on Phil Hellmuth “the poker brat” melt down (start watching around 2:15 to see what I mean) with the added factor of nudity. Now there is a way of combining poker and sex that would work as poker, playing tournament style poker for an erotic prize, the swinger playing for his wife scenario. However, that is playing for an erotic prize, not the eroticization of the game itself, which would seem to me to be the point of strip poker.

Then I happened across this erotic game, a grin came over my face and my opinion changed. The differences is that unlike using articles of clothing this game instead uses a time interval for certain sex acts. Since time is equal to money as the saying goes, this allows the game to function both as poker and as a way to get your freak on. This game also doesn’t fall prey to complainant number three above. You want to play a limited game with at least enough bets to cover 20 times the big blind, for example in a 1bet/2bet structure you would want at least 40 bets per player. With 30 chips of three denominations that give us 60 bets (1×10 + 2×10 + 3×10) a reasonable number. To compare this game only gives you 6 bets per player too few bets for the game to be legitimate. However, the real fun for me would begin when we move beyond heads-up play (1-on-1 poker, the above “poker for lovers” games would be by default heads-up games) and move into the realm of full games involving multiple people all willing to get naked and fuck.

Now, let me whip out my poker set and demonstrate the newfound possibilities. *runs hand over 10.5 g clay composites in a disturbingly sexual manner* (It has been a while since I played a game, of any of the two connotations) Noting that while many of my suggestion do alter the flow of the game, the game isn’t broken and furthermore most of them add a strategic element along with the sexual. Also noting that these aren’t hard rules just ideas and suggestions you can adjust them to fit your game/lifestyle/kink accordingly.

Anybody up for a game?

Anybody up for a game?

My clay composite poker set has, as you can see above: 130 red chips; 100 blue chips; 100 green; and a 100 black chips (I also have some cheap-o sets lying around if I need more chips) let’s call these my “normal chips”. Then there are also 25 each of yellow, orange, pink and purple chips I’ll call these “kink chips” and come back to them later.

Using the above game as my inspiration here is my vision on how the game would go: each of the “normal chips” would represent a category of sex acts for example:

red= foreplay, blue=oral, green= vaginal, black=anal.

Players make up a list of sex acts from each category they would be willing to perform on the winner. Using this there a few ways to proceed from here.

The first way would be to have, multiple poker nights, and “color code” them. This would add a little twist to the game, as normally, all thing being equal, one shouldn’t be any more motivated one night versus another; money is money. However, since the prize each night is different it could be interesting to see how different a player plays when he is playing for anal chips (his favorite) versus foreplay (least favorite).

The second would be to have an exchange rate going. You can have the chips represent the normal denominations used for your standard game when you’re actually playing. However, the chips could still have different sexual values. You could set things up so trading chips up to the next domination will net you less time but with a more “valuable” sex act. You can also add that you can only trade down if you need to break a denomination to cover a bet giving the choice even more weight.

Now like I said above you couldn’t really have a bankroll when playing strip poker but this variant allows for not just that but for the eroticization of it. How does it feel knowing the Billy has all those anal chips in his bankroll he could cash-out at any moment? For that matter, the concept of the chips having different sexual values adds a completely new dimension to bankroll management. For one if your fantasy requires things from more than one category you have to plain out how to get and keep the necessary amount of chips. This also alters strategy in that if one person has all the anal chips you want you’ll obviously be gunning for them more. You could play on this by having all chip colors be of equal denomination in terms of game mechanics, but again having different sexual value, and start each player with only one color of chips.

That does leave the question of how to get more chip/do in game rebuys. There are several ways to do this let us start with in-game rebuys. One solution is to have another list of acts that you’re willing to do in order to rebuy. Something from the humiliation and submission category perhaps? Having to fetch the table fresh drinks using one of these maybe? There are many possibilities. To me re-buying during play seems like the perfect moment to integrate striping in to the game assuming you all start the game fully clothed. Example: Have a two-rebuy limit, first rebuy means going topless, second rebuy going bottomless. Also if you’re not against having an element of sex for money at work you could have someone act as the house, like the host for you poker/sex party, and just rebuy using cash. Speaking of that if you do have a house although not normal for a home game, this formant does allow you to have a rake (the piece of the pot the house takes for itself, in this case it would be a piece of ass ;) ). Also, if you have a dedicated dealer (perhaps being the dealer for x hands, perhaps while naked, could be one of the ways to rebuy? Are we seeing the possibilities yet?) this format will allow you to be able to toke (tip) them.

There is also, the issue of what to do with chips that represent different sexual acts during a split pot game that is also easily to resolve for me. Again, the method does alter the game dynamics a bit but it does so while adding a new strategic element. Make it so with splitting the pot all chips of a certain color will go first to whoever wins a certain side of the pot, you can decide which chips and which side. This again alters the flow in a strategic manner, as players would be more aggressively chasing one side of the pot depending on what acts they want.

There is one final way I can think of to make poker erotic, remember those “kink” chips. I was mentioning. Since there is a limited number of these you can make these in to kink categories like this: Yellow= water-sports; orange= bondage; pink= impact play; purple=electro-play

JKQ, Red, Green, Blue, Black and Pink or Foreplay, Vaginal, Oral, Anal Impact Play and MMF?

JKQ, Red, Green, Blue, Black and Pink or Foreplay, Vaginal, Oral, Anal, Impact Play and MMF?

The simplest is giving each play a number of these kink chips to start along with their normal chips. They would in terms of poker accounting be equal to normal chips but of course, their different sexual value is what would make them interesting to throw in a game. Have the nuts and want to sweeten the pot so people will call? Throw in a rope bondage chip. Want to make your bluff look bigger? Put in all your spanking chips. Another way to use these is a bounty on the head of each player, whenever a player is knocked out the player that eliminated them gets their kink chips. You can also have a bounty only be triggered in certain circumstances (i.e. if a player wins a hand played to the river where he was  x% the underdog on the flop that triggers a bounty.) This bounty system can also be used to erotic effect in tournament style games in addition to the erotic prize you also get a kink chips for everyone you knock out. There are many other poker variants that could be adapted in this manner for example “kill games” could be done using kinky chips as the required currency for the kill blind, another example would be using them as required currency for straddles or sleepers.

The possibilities are only limited by your imagination. So there you have it folks I’ve been converted poker can indeed be made into an erotic exercise and still work as poker. Until next time remember, never bluff a sucker, and may all your pots (and orgasms) be monsters.

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About namelesschaos

namelesschaos: Liberal Ex-Catholic. Sex Toy & Anal Play Junkie, Sex Blogging Newbie. Pro-choice, Anti-censorship, Militant anti-tobacco. Ready to join the chaos? E-mail at: namedbychaos @ aol.com
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2 Responses to Bet Your Ass, Strip and Erotic Poker

  1. Poker-maniacNo Gravatar says:

    I like to play poker texas holdem and tournaments , could be strip poker :P

  2. Just MeNo Gravatar says:

    You missed a few easy ways to make strip poker work like normal.
    Each player starts with the same # of chips and the same “sellable” items of clothing. So everyone starts with $100. When you lose your chips or exceed your stack, you trade an article of clothing to the bank for $100.

    Prior to playing agree to a price the losers pay to get back their clothes. The ultimate winner collects that price.

    If you want to make it more sexual add values to acts.

    Write your sex items on a paper or board with their values. Number them. I can buy more chips by writing in a marker to the bank. You can buy items back from the bank at any time, but in the reverse order you lost them. I can’t buy pants back, before I buy back underwear.

    Masturbating while winner watches, hand job, massage, lap dance, etc. level 1 – each worth $100
    Cunnilingus or felatio $200
    Vagina $300
    Anal $400
    24 hours anything goes $500 (etc.)

    When the game is over the winner gets all the clothes, all the markers. Losers have to pay the pre-established price to get their clothes back and make arrangements to honor all markers in a timely manner, with as many paid that night as possible.

    This can be done with regular dealers choice, hold’em,5 card, etc.

    This lets you play for a long time, establish a bank roll, etc.

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