The Sex Sui Generis: When Commonsense Goes Out The Window

What is a Sui Generis? It means of its own kind, a classification of something independent of other classifications, an entity, or a reality that cannot be included in a wider concept. The Sex Sui Generis is thus the completely irrational approach society has towards sexuality. The illogical thinking so completely divorced from the rest of reality that it doesn’t highlight the beauty and power of sex but distort and separates us from it boxing it inside of its own little Sui Generis line of reasoning. I don’t know about you, but my sexuality is an integrated part of my being; it does not require a Sui Generis stranded.

Dear everyone. As someone in a scientific field, I beg you please use some commonsense before you mindlessly quote stuff. Here is an example, I was reading this article and it cites, via a details article, the following assertion. It is ridiculous on its face, yet the authors of both magazines felt it merited repeating anyway (One more example of people citing this nonsense; and another one here)

In a survey of 1,000 British girls between the ages of 15 and 19, roughly 25 percent said they aspired to become professional lap dancers.

This statement has multiple red flags, to anyone who knows what to look for. No mention of the source of this survey or when it was conducted, where and if it was published anywhere, no mention of methodology,  etc.  Here are some more “results” from that same survey:

63% found being a glamour model most appealing…but just 3% picked the teaching profession

Let analyze this the way I would any other piece of data. First, 25% want to become lap dancers, not even just sex workers (of which there are many types) but specifically lap dancers. These is an incredulous assertion, but add in the glamour model line which again is incredibly specific, just as there are different types of sex work there are different types of modeling, and it is amazing anyone would put that into print. This survey would have me believe 88% of UK girls aged 15-19 either aspire to be lap dancers or glamour models,(1) and only 3% want to enter the teaching profession. Notice the apple and oranges comparison, the narrow specific professions they are interested in this versus the broad category of professions they aren’t? Would the authors of this survey have me believe that teens are sexually aware enough to understand sex work taxonomy(2) yet only be able to have a one-dimensional understanding of how many jobs fall under “teaching”? This survey is simply laughable on its face, but let us continue.

Who did this study? As best as I can tell (from the links above), it was done in 2005 by mobile entertainment providers People who have an interest in selling media do a “survey” that has results which support a shocking view of media. Can you say publicity stunt? I say as best as I can tell because the url yields a parked by godaddy page and google searches are pretty silent about this the Clearly they are defunct, weren’t Titians in their own field and there is no way to see what this survey actually said/did or even if it wasn’t just a hoax. Just think for a second what kind of surveys these sites typically conduct. Yet apparently, it is ok to cite their survey as support for some disturbing trend in teen sexuality, in the year 2009. How ironic that people quote this then worry about their teens being unable to tell the difference between media influence and reality.

This is an example of approaching sex in manner completely divorced from the rules that govern normal reality- the sex sui generis(3) as I call it. If an entertainment group were to do a survey with results so ludicrous with something that didn’t involve sex would we believe it, quote it, and express concern over it four years later?(4) Analyze the above statement the way you would critically analyze another statement, you would conclude it was nonsense and move along. Only because its sex related and people are unable to analysis it rationally can the authors mentioned above get away with using this survey to try to make their respective points. What’s next? Will feminists and men’s magazines(5) go to the onion for their data?

Reason and commonsense they still apply when talking about sex, you know…or do you still believe we need a Sui Generis?

Note: I plan to make “The Sex Sui Generis” a repeating feature on this blog. I was going to start with the experience that gave me the idea for this little phrase of my. However, my muses are finicky and demanded I write this first. Here is a teaser thou the title of that post will be On Altitude and Attitude it involves The Mile High Club. Got your attention? I should have it posted next Sunday.

  1. Just to be clear nothing wrong with these professions just the idea that close to 90% of any group, anywhere would consider these two, or any two, to be their ideal job [↩]
  2. Which don’t get me wrong it would be great if they were this sexual aware [↩]
  3. Yes I know this is stretchs the definition of a sui generis stranded a bit but you get what I mean and…I needed a title for this “column”…don’t ruin this for me [↩]
  4. Ok, considering the lack of critical analysis ability in the general population, probably. [↩]
  5. I couldn’t care less about GQ and the lot but it saddens me to see feminists quote this because it speaks to creditability. When you reference this as your evidence of “far reaching” palpable effects, you lose credibility in the eyes of anyone who can see how silly taking this survey seriously is. [↩]

The chaos Spreads…

I officially have my own domain name, hosting and I’m using rather the .com. So why on Earth would I go through the additional trouble of doing this? Main reasons:

  1. This little blog has become part of my sexual exploration, taking this blog more seriously is to take my exploration more seriously by extension. There is great symbolic power for me in giving my little online handle and what it represents about me more permanence by giving it a domain name.
  2. The added flexibility with plug-ins, themes, and widgets just makes things more enjoyable.
  3. I found myself asking: How many guys are willing to buy anal sex toys, do anal play, love it, admit it, and then write about it, including reviews of any sex toys used. My answer: Not enough. Therefore, to that end I’ve decided to take a “be the change you want to see in the world” approach. I was going to keep doing all this anyway but the realization that this blog also represents an opportunity to hopefully inform and inspire people a little bit there on own sexual explorations, only amplified my desire to be a better blogger.   To that end please enjoy the better late than never re-posting of   Pleasurists #43 below this post.

Let me finish the re-opening of this blog by pointing out a new addition. I also have a tumblr now titled defiance. I’ll just copy the description I put on the tumblr itself:

Welcome to Defiance, my collection of quotes, images, videos, etc that defy and challenge our society’s silly, puritanical, right-wing belief system; especially when it comes to sex. As an Ex-catholic (currently agnostic bordering on atheism), I know firsthand how screwed up this belief structure can make a person. Join me as we enjoy a little defiance. Sundays are erotic defiance: sexy, sensual, or even downright pornographic images that both titillate and defy conventions.

If I can pull off number three above that will also double as good penitence for all those years of being a hardcore Catholic.

Still have some tweaking to do but I’m pleased enough to put this up the way it is. Enjoy; feel free to make recommendation, tell me if anything is broken, tell me you love/hate it, please keep death threats to yourselves thou :) .

Review: Tantus Silk (Medium)

This dildo is the first toy I picked up in order to explore anal play and I would highly recommend it to anyone considering it. Writing this a heterosexual male, I can say this toy is perfect for introducing a hesitant guy to the pleasures of anal. The toy is simplicity itself a super smooth shaft with a slight curve, leading down to a flared base all made out of 100% pure silicone. This review is based on the Silk Medium (Diameter: 1.1″ Length: 5.25″)  however it is available in three sizes: small (Diameter: 1.1″ Length: 4.5″), the already mentioned medium, and large (Diameter: 1.5″ Length: 6.9″). It is recommend beginners start with the small and work their way up as they get used to anal. It is also available in three colors: lavender, pink and black (mine is black by the way). As of this writing there is a green one on closeout directly from Tantus, if feeling like your fucking the Hulk doesn’t bother you.


Tantus Silk 100% Silicone Dildos

As I said this toy is perfect for a anal toy newbie. Firstly, the must have feature, it has a flared base an absolute must have for anal play as toys can get lost up there otherwise. You do not want to become your local ER staff’s next funny patient story. This also makes it harness compatible and Tantus does make kits that include these along with a harness. I unfortunately don’t have a partner to test it out with but if you wind up liking anal as much as I do “willingness to strap up” will be quickly added to the list of qualities in your ideal partner.

Secondly, the smoothness makes it very easy to thrust in and out without difficulty (after applying sufficient lube of course). Thirdly, the material is firm while still having a small amount of give (at least compared to a truly hard toy material like aluminum). Another plus as you don’t want to stick anything too hard in there before you familiar with the twist and turns of your own rectum. Fourthly, it is 100% pure silicone which means it is easily sterilized either by boiling; using a 1:10 bleach solution; or running it in the dishwasher, top rack, no detergent. This makes it safer to use on yourself as it is less likely to to become a breeding ground for anything nasty and is a must have feature if you want to be able to share the toy or move from one hole to another. The moving from one hole to another is mainly an issue for women, you never go from ass to pussy without sterilizing in between, however it does mildly apply in my case as well. I’ve used the thing to give myself a face fucking (submissive fantasies) and although going ass to mouth isn’t really problem; I’m still really happy knowing I can get this thing sterilized. The only down side to the silicone is that you counter-intuitively should not use silicone lube (the two will have a chemical reaction) with it. Silicone lubes have more staying power in the rectum, the inability to use them is the only down side to using a silicone toy I can think of.

Silicone also has several other advantages in addition to hygiene concerns to start it heat up to body temperature well. Secondly, it carries vibrations extremely this may seem pointless in a non-vibrating toy but if you have an external vibration source like a massager, there you go. Lastly, and this isn’t technically an “official” feature but it still very much worth noting, get the base a little wet and place it on a clean, flat, horizontal surface and you’ll get a mild suction effect. This is terrific as it makes hand free riding much easier. My favorite way of using this toy is using this effect to get it to stick to the front of an old hardcover textbook placing the rig on my bed and riding the heck out of the thing. In fact I like it so much here is a picture:

My “Riding” Rig

Overall, there is nothing bad I can say about this toy; it is simple, effective and it perfect as a first time dildo for a male anal neophyte. Now if I could only find someone with a harness I could play with.

Lastly, for those that care here is a pic of the Silk in its orginal packaging

product picture
Dildo by Tantus
Material: Silicone

Review:Silicone Flexi-Power Rod

The Silicone Flexi-Power Rod was the first vibrating toy I owned. To cut to the chase, I like this toy and use it often. However, I use it as a warm-up/foreplay toy. If you are looking for the toy guaranteed to give you the biggest orgasm while it is working you ass I can’t recommend this toy for that, however, if you’re looking for a good toy to warm-up with or simply want to know more about this toy read ahead.

The Silicone Flexi-Power Rod in it original packaging

The Silicone Flexi-Power Rod in its original packaging

The Power Rod is a 7 function vibrating anal probe with an insertable length of 8 inches. Taking a good look at the toy starting at the base, the base is made out of plastic and isn’t water proof so take care not to get it wet. It has two buttons one for cycling through the seven functions and one to turn off the toy. Operation is thus simple enough; however, the two buttons are so close to one another it is very easy to hit the wrong button in the heat of the moment. A better design choice would have been to move one of the buttons to the side of the toy and an even better choice would be two arrow keys to cycle back and forth through the settings and a third center stop key. Flipping the toy over for a moment, the toy uses three AA batteries and I found the battery case easy to open and close with my thumb. It is recommend practice to remove the batteries from a toy when not in use to help extend the life of both the batteries and the toy. An easy to open battery case assures that you won’t be ruining the mood and/or your afterglow while you’re fumbling to get the batteries in/out. The seven functions are as follows:

  1. Vibration #1 (Low)
  2. Vibration #2 (Medium)
  3. Vibration #3 (High)
  4. Pulse, Pulse, Vibration
  5. Rapid Pulsation
  6. Pulsation
  7. Escalation

The vibrations are powerful, but not earth shattering. The toy makes enough noise that you’ll be able to hear it under the sheets but not through a locked door. I find all the setting to be pleasurable however; my personal favorites are: #6. Pulsation, #4. Pulse, Pulse, Vibration, and #7. Escalation. None are intense enough to drive me to orgasm on their own. However, I am not disappointed by this, I personally like this as it allows me to use this for the masturbatory equivalent of foreplay. One use of this is that I find the vibrations help relax my anal muscles; I thus bring it out to warm up for bigger/better toys. Another use I have for this toy reflects a little quirk of mine. While I like porn; and I like masturbating after I watch porn I have never liked getting off during porn much. It always felt premature ejaculation-ish to come while the action is still happening on screen. However, just lying there doing nothing while people are fucking on screen isn’t the funniest thing either. This represents the perfect solution as I can get very pleasurable stimulation while still allowing me to save my orgasm for when I’m good and ready. The last main use for this is to enhance normal orgasms induced by hand or via another toy such as the flesh light. Masturbation and orgasm takes on a new other dimension when you have something vibrating away in you ass.

Looking at the shaft, it is composed of an oblong tip flowed by three rounder beads leading down to the base. There is a slight seam running down the length of the shaft on both sides. Although the seam was noticeable to my fingers, I did not feel the seam while it was inside me, others might so it should be noted. The beading makes this an excellent anal vibrator since it ensures the toy stays in and does not fall out or get pushed out via intense muscle contractions. However, I found the toy awkward to use for pure trusting so if you are looking for a thrusting tool I’d look elsewhere. The main attraction of this shaft is that it is flexible. It’ll always bounce back to its original shape so you have to hold it in place once you find a good position. This allows for some fun applications. Firstly, you can use this externally to stimulate nipples, balls, cock, perineum etc. the flexibility allows you to wrap this bad boy around your junk in interesting ways. My favorite application of this is just putting in the tip of the toy and bending it back to get perineum /ball stimulation while it vibrates inside of me. This flexibility also makes this a good choice for a beginner; you don’t want to be sticking anything to hard up there while you’re still learning. The insertable length of 8’ should be enough for anyone. I don’t usually stick it in all the way. The vibrations as best I can tell come from a bullet vibe in the tip not from the base of the toy, thus the vibrations don’t feel as pleasurable when I go all the way in. However, since this is the longest toy in my collection as of now there is a psychological thrill from inserting it all the way in. The beads also feel good being removed anal beads style after full insertion.

The material the shaft is made of is phthalate free TPR silicone, a composite silicone. The box calls it “hygienically superior silicone” which is misleading. These composite are only required to have 10% silicone to call themselves silicone. This imparts to them many of the benefits of silicone but not all. To that end, the toy definitely feels much like rubber and the box says it should always be used with a rubber compatible lubricant. Nowhere on the box does it clearly state that this toy is composite silicone, just the hygienically superior silicone line, considering the difference between pure silicone and composite silicone this type of practice among toy makers is deceptive and needs to stop. It is tempting, and not unjustified, to give this toy an “avoid it” recommendation on principle alone. While you should never use silicone based lubes on a silicone toy this is even truer for a composite toy so use a good water based lubricant if you pick this toy up. Putting a condom on this toy is not a bad idea either, being a composite you should treat this toy more like rubber than a 100% silicone toy. Definitely go the condom route (or buy more than one) if you plan to share this toy between partners or your own orifices. TPR silicone is not like pure silicone, which is easily sterilized between uses.

Lastly, it should be noted that this toy is inexpensive you can find it for around 25 bucks. This toy isn’t perfect, the biggest drawback being that it is TPR silicone. However, considering the toys versatility and low price, if the drawbacks listed above do not brother you this toy comes recommend. It loses points for being TPR silicone, if it wasn’t for that it would be a must have. The versatility and low price also makes this a good choice for beginner looking for an inexpensive vibrating toy to experiment with.

Get 15% off your entire order at Edenfantasys use coupon code DX1 at check out.

product picture
Vibrating probe by California Exotic
Material: TPR Silicone

On Death, Fear and Sex Blogging

As I have already mentioned I’m the primary caregiver for my elderly father and as is the main point of this blog I also happen to be going through a sexual awakening. As you might have guessed that second event could not have occurred at a worse time. This will be the first of what is likely to be several posts detailing the challenges of balancing the two.

Despite all the challenges in my life, I have still managed to have many sexual revelations and I treasure every one of them. However, there is one thing I’m deathly afraid of regarding my sexual exploration. Let us be brutally honest my father is not long for this Earth. Clearly, the inevitable period of grief and mourning that will follow is not going to be a very sexual point in my life. What frightens me is a part of me is afraid that when that happens it will cause me to regress, to forget everything I’ve learned since my sexual exploration started. At its worse I fear that I somehow in a moment of grief and desperation I will end up returning to the same twisted belief structure (Roman Catholicism) that made me so repressed in the first place, a belief structure so twisted the remnant influence of it continued to repress my sexuality even after I had intellectually rejected it.

Although, I am still new at it I like blogging and plan to continue doing it. Thinking about this fear however made me want to continue blogging even more. I realized that by putting my sexual accounts, thoughts, explorations, and intentions out here for the world to see I’ve created a method for holding my post-mourning self accountable to my pre-mourning self. This blog might not just be the chronicle of my journey down the road of sexual exploration, one day it might become the beacon that helps keep me on it.

To that end let me give my post-mourning self something to be accountable for. Most of the things here are things that would require me to be in a sexual mood to be able to post them. However, I’m planning a series of posts I call the Sex Sui Generis the silly, illogical rules society places on sexuality (especially those imposed by the extreme Christian right, my former Roman Catholic faith for example). Since this is intellectual recounts and analysis, I could get back to doing those as easily as I could any other intellectual activity. I hope that by preparing myself for the inevitable like this I can keep myself on track in life sexually and otherwise.

In a neat coincidence, Disturbed’s The Curse popped up on the playlist as I was typing this. I think some of the lyrics fit what is going through my mind right now about this and life in general:

I’ve held on too long just to let it go now.
Will my inner strength get me through it somehow?
Defying the curse that has taken hold.
Never surrender, I’ll never be overcome.

More Sex Toys on the Way

I haven’t finished reviewing my first pair of sex toys (I reviewed my Silk medium and but I’m still working on the review of my Silicone flexi-power rod) and tomorrow I will already be receiving my second pair. I decided to write down what was going on in my mind when I selected these two. Although, I was planning to buy more toys my original plan didn’t included these toys but in both cases an opportunity presented itself that I had to take.

Sexy spades small

was planning to get a butt plug when I went looking for the next addition to my toy collection but I did not expect to be purchasing a glass plug or really a glass toy of any kind. It not that I didn’t envision eventually getting a glass toy. I want to try a variety of material shapes and sizes on myself, but there was I reason I was holding off on the glass toys. To be honest and I know this will sound sappy/silly/stupid/whatever but these toys can be so beautiful, they are like little perverted pieces of pop art, that I wanted to wait till I had a partner that could apprentice their beauty and function before buying one. But since when has saving it ever worked?

Why did the spade change things? I’ve played several hands of poker in my life so the spade design caught my attention and considering how pretty the thing is I thought even if I don’t end up liking it as a toy, it would still serve as a nice memento of my sexual exploration. As I kept thinking, I thought I’ve played enough poker and have enough of a twisted sense of humor that I could probably get away with using it as a paper weight and saying “since it look a spade I decided to buy it as a laugh” without anyone suspecting it been in my butt. That when I decided to buy this thing. I wonder. Could I play innocent well enough to convince people that I bought it just as a spade like paperweight not knowing its true propose?

Alumina Flow

Since I want to experiment with a variety of materials, a mental toy was definitely on the wish list and a member of the Alumina line high amongst potential candidates. However, since they are pricey I figured it would be a luxury purchase I would have to wait I while to get. Then I saw that Edenfantasys had 25% off all toys in the line until August 28 2009 the bargain hunter in me was aroused and said this was too good a deal to pass up. I was torn between the Flow and the Pace; the bargain hunter again decided this. The Flow is the more expensive of the two thus is the 25% off is a bigger bargain on that one then the Pace. The sale doesn’t end until August 28, and I’ve already converted the change in my penny jar into cash, so if I like the Flow enough I’ll get the Pace as well to take advantage of the reduce price.

Happy Birthday, Alexa

Tomorrow is Alex’s birthday. Her blog has given me too many sexual epiphanies to describe in one post (there is a reason I have category tag just for her). However, to keep it short my sexual awakening and thus this blog wouldn’t have occurred without her blog as inspiration. I’ve temporally changed my tag line to reflect this influence:

You read one blog written by a sew worker and before you know it, your reading the Myth of Monogamy, opening up a fetlife account and shoving all manner of sex toys up your ass then reviewing them. Happy Birthday Alexa Di Carlo!

Cut yourself a piece of the cake and enjoy your time in Vegas. Keep being you. Cannot wait to see how much further your blog will be able to corrupt me ;)


Contest: Babeland 500-dollar gift card

Babeland is having a contest offering a 500-dollar gift card for just listing your sex toy wish list. As a male anal sex toy junkie how could I refuse.

Hitachi Magic Wand + Gee Whiz Combo: Vibration can feel really good on a man’s cock and perineum and the attachment can be used for some intense internal anal vibration. 84.45

Jaguar Harness + Purple Leo Combo: I seriously want to be fucked strap-on style and why not show some intuitive and have the kit ready to go for my future lover. 121.95

Romp: Wood that gives me wood! 110.00

Prostate Pleasure Kit: Can’t call myself a true anal aficionado if I don’t get me at Aneros prostates massager at some point now can I. 69.00

Alumina Motion: Cold hard metal in motion, yummy. 89.00

Eros Bodyglide: Have to have something to help get these things inside me don’t I? $24.00

That is a total of 498.40

Bet Your Ass, Strip and Erotic Poker

It may seem strange that while I love poker, and I love-watching people take their clothes off, strip poker has never interested me. That changed when I was looking to purchase some sex toys and saw an item that gave me a new way to look at one of my favorite hobbies. First, the reason strip poker never appealed to me is my only conceptualization of how poker could be used sexually was from TV and movies, and the game I saw there, while perhaps good orgy lubricant, could not work as poker. The game I was seeing, using clothing as the currency, was not any real form of poker and just an excuse to get naked.Yes, I’m aware that is in fact the point however as a poker player it still irked me. While there might have been plenty of nudity and maybe even some poke-her (sorry, it had to be said) in these games there was no actually poker.

Before we continue, we should establish some poker terms I’ll be using:

Tournament style: Players play until eliminated, X number of places win a prize/pay-out

Ring style: Standard walk up to the table and play for chips; you can usually get up and cash-out whenever you want.

Freeze-out: Ring style game, players play until one person has all the chips, only one-person wins (no leaving the table and cashing-out,)

Buy-in: The amount of money you need to put in to play in a game/tournament

Re-buy: Buying more chips mid-game in order to keep playing

Blinds and antes: Forced bets that players must post. In community pot games, this usually takes the form of a small blind (i.e. 1 bet) and a big blind (i.e. 2 bets).

Bankroll: The amount of capital you have to play

On-tilt: Player going emotional and playing irrationally

Split pot: The best high hand and the best low hand split the pot; the idea is to have a hand that can work both ways so you can take the whole pot. My personal favorite game Omaha hi/lo is such a game.

Limit, no limit and pot limit: Limit, betting structure is fixed; No limit, you can bet as much as you want at any time you can go all-in at any time; Pot limit, betting is caped at the current size of the pot.

Nuts: The best possible hand

Now, let us review why the strip poker you see on TV, using clothes as a form of currency, could not work, as poker:

1) How do you ante up, exactly? (More on this below)

2) How do you adjust for the varying number of clothing items between players? What if one person has on only a dress on and the others are wearing multiple layers of clothing. For that matter what counts as clothing? Does a scarf count? A hat? Gloves? Jewelry? Even if you agree to have the same number of clothing on everyone/ make it strip down to a certain level regardless of the number of clothing, there are still problems.

3) If we are using clothing as the currency, there would seem to be too few bets available to allow the influence of good play to manifest itself. With so few bets, the game becomes a crapshoot. For that matter because it is a crapshoot normal considerations like bluffing and reading tells wouldn’t be useful. Also, with so few bets how do you create a meaningful difference between a limit, pot limit and no limit game.  (More on this below)

Note: After thinking of the below time based game I did figure out how to make this work. Have the striping only start only when you on a short stake (X chips left), betting before that no striping. This would also solve many, but not all, of the other problems I have with the mechanics of strip poker. I still like my variant better and again these are the type of rules that would be needed to make the game work as poker, but no one ever seems to have in the media portrayal of it.

4) Notice how no one ever puts their clothing back on during a game of strip poker in the movies. If we are treating it like the game’s currency then someone should really be putting something back on when someone wins a pot.

5) There are many forms of poker that seem incompatible with this form. Which only seems to work for ring style freeze-outs without re-buys. For example, how do you do a split-pot style game like Omaha hi/lo in this setting? (Get out the scissors?) How do you do rebuys? Me and Wikipedia are at odds on this issue

6) The “prize” structure does not make sense, you start fully dressed so you start in the winning position and can only go downhill from there. What do you gain in terms of “currency” by winning a hand? Yes, the other person gets naked but you get that when anyone loses a hand how to you gain a legitimate and exclusive chip lead in this format?

7) How can you build a bankroll in this format?

So on and so fourth…


A retro pic of cloths as currency strip poker

The one serious conversation I remember having on this only confirmed these suspicions. When I asked I friend who had taken part in such a game about the mechanics of it he responded, “Well you don’t really blind or ante up”. Problem is blinds and antes are an integral part of the game, they are what drive the game. Want an easy way to “win” a strip poker game, just fold every hand, and wait for everyone else to play each other into nekkidity, without blinds or an ante there is no downside to folding every single hand, that isn’t the nuts.

My suspicions that there was no way to make a strip poker game work as poker confirmed I left it at that. There was still a certain lure to the concept, however. Who wouldn’t like to combine two good things together? Not to mentioned I was quite curious how the circumstances would affect people’s tells and strategy, especially if the context is eroticized. It could bring a completely new meaning to the phrase “table image”. Also, it might be entertaining see someone go on full tilt while in their birthday suit. Try to imagine a full on Phil Hellmuth “the poker brat” melt down (start watching around 2:15 to see what I mean) with the added factor of nudity. Now there is a way of combining poker and sex that would work as poker, playing tournament style poker for an erotic prize, the swinger playing for his wife scenario. However, that is playing for an erotic prize, not the eroticization of the game itself, which would seem to me to be the point of strip poker.

Then I happened across this erotic game, a grin came over my face and my opinion changed. The differences is that unlike using articles of clothing this game instead uses a time interval for certain sex acts. Since time is equal to money as the saying goes, this allows the game to function both as poker and as a way to get your freak on. This game also doesn’t fall prey to complainant number three above. You want to play a limited game with at least enough bets to cover 20 times the big blind, for example in a 1bet/2bet structure you would want at least 40 bets per player. With 30 chips of three denominations that give us 60 bets (1×10 + 2×10 + 3×10) a reasonable number. To compare this game only gives you 6 bets per player too few bets for the game to be legitimate. However, the real fun for me would begin when we move beyond heads-up play (1-on-1 poker, the above “poker for lovers” games would be by default heads-up games) and move into the realm of full games involving multiple people all willing to get naked and fuck.

Now, let me whip out my poker set and demonstrate the newfound possibilities. *runs hand over 10.5 g clay composites in a disturbingly sexual manner* (It has been a while since I played a game, of any of the two connotations) Noting that while many of my suggestion do alter the flow of the game, the game isn’t broken and furthermore most of them add a strategic element along with the sexual. Also noting that these aren’t hard rules just ideas and suggestions you can adjust them to fit your game/lifestyle/kink accordingly.

Anybody up for a game?

Anybody up for a game?

My clay composite poker set has, as you can see above: 130 red chips; 100 blue chips; 100 green; and a 100 black chips (I also have some cheap-o sets lying around if I need more chips) let’s call these my “normal chips”. Then there are also 25 each of yellow, orange, pink and purple chips I’ll call these “kink chips” and come back to them later.

Using the above game as my inspiration here is my vision on how the game would go: each of the “normal chips” would represent a category of sex acts for example:

red= foreplay, blue=oral, green= vaginal, black=anal.

Players make up a list of sex acts from each category they would be willing to perform on the winner. Using this there a few ways to proceed from here.

The first way would be to have, multiple poker nights, and “color code” them. This would add a little twist to the game, as normally, all thing being equal, one shouldn’t be any more motivated one night versus another; money is money. However, since the prize each night is different it could be interesting to see how different a player plays when he is playing for anal chips (his favorite) versus foreplay (least favorite).

The second would be to have an exchange rate going. You can have the chips represent the normal denominations used for your standard game when you’re actually playing. However, the chips could still have different sexual values. You could set things up so trading chips up to the next domination will net you less time but with a more “valuable” sex act. You can also add that you can only trade down if you need to break a denomination to cover a bet giving the choice even more weight.

Now like I said above you couldn’t really have a bankroll when playing strip poker but this variant allows for not just that but for the eroticization of it. How does it feel knowing the Billy has all those anal chips in his bankroll he could cash-out at any moment? For that matter, the concept of the chips having different sexual values adds a completely new dimension to bankroll management. For one if your fantasy requires things from more than one category you have to plain out how to get and keep the necessary amount of chips. This also alters strategy in that if one person has all the anal chips you want you’ll obviously be gunning for them more. You could play on this by having all chip colors be of equal denomination in terms of game mechanics, but again having different sexual value, and start each player with only one color of chips.

That does leave the question of how to get more chip/do in game rebuys. There are several ways to do this let us start with in-game rebuys. One solution is to have another list of acts that you’re willing to do in order to rebuy. Something from the humiliation and submission category perhaps? Having to fetch the table fresh drinks using one of these maybe? There are many possibilities. To me re-buying during play seems like the perfect moment to integrate striping in to the game assuming you all start the game fully clothed. Example: Have a two-rebuy limit, first rebuy means going topless, second rebuy going bottomless. Also if you’re not against having an element of sex for money at work you could have someone act as the house, like the host for you poker/sex party, and just rebuy using cash. Speaking of that if you do have a house although not normal for a home game, this formant does allow you to have a rake (the piece of the pot the house takes for itself, in this case it would be a piece of ass ;) ). Also, if you have a dedicated dealer (perhaps being the dealer for x hands, perhaps while naked, could be one of the ways to rebuy? Are we seeing the possibilities yet?) this format will allow you to be able to toke (tip) them.

There is also, the issue of what to do with chips that represent different sexual acts during a split pot game that is also easily to resolve for me. Again, the method does alter the game dynamics a bit but it does so while adding a new strategic element. Make it so with splitting the pot all chips of a certain color will go first to whoever wins a certain side of the pot, you can decide which chips and which side. This again alters the flow in a strategic manner, as players would be more aggressively chasing one side of the pot depending on what acts they want.

There is one final way I can think of to make poker erotic, remember those “kink” chips. I was mentioning. Since there is a limited number of these you can make these in to kink categories like this: Yellow= water-sports; orange= bondage; pink= impact play; purple=electro-play

JKQ, Red, Green, Blue, Black and Pink or Foreplay, Vaginal, Oral, Anal Impact Play and MMF?

JKQ, Red, Green, Blue, Black and Pink or Foreplay, Vaginal, Oral, Anal, Impact Play and MMF?

The simplest is giving each play a number of these kink chips to start along with their normal chips. They would in terms of poker accounting be equal to normal chips but of course, their different sexual value is what would make them interesting to throw in a game. Have the nuts and want to sweeten the pot so people will call? Throw in a rope bondage chip. Want to make your bluff look bigger? Put in all your spanking chips. Another way to use these is a bounty on the head of each player, whenever a player is knocked out the player that eliminated them gets their kink chips. You can also have a bounty only be triggered in certain circumstances (i.e. if a player wins a hand played to the river where he was  x% the underdog on the flop that triggers a bounty.) This bounty system can also be used to erotic effect in tournament style games in addition to the erotic prize you also get a kink chips for everyone you knock out. There are many other poker variants that could be adapted in this manner for example “kill games” could be done using kinky chips as the required currency for the kill blind, another example would be using them as required currency for straddles or sleepers.

The possibilities are only limited by your imagination. So there you have it folks I’ve been converted poker can indeed be made into an erotic exercise and still work as poker. Until next time remember, never bluff a sucker, and may all your pots (and orgasms) be monsters.